The month of July was almost entirely unfocused for me. I spent more than a week on “vacation” with my family, and I spent another week sick and stuck in my bed. With more than two weeks of downtime, essentially, I feel lost. I feel like I’m not sure of what I’m doing … and I’m scared of that feeling.
It’s more than a bit scary, honestly – the feeling of being unfocused and not knowing what I’m supposed to be working on. I panicked a bit, too, and on the Entreprogrammers podcast, I ended up talking with Josh and John for almost 3 hours because I was panicking about being unfocused.
An Existential Crisis
The kind of focus I’m talking about isn’t the “put twitter down, get back to work” kind. No, I’m talking about the big picture… the “What is my purpose? Why am I here? What is the real value that my business, my blog and my efforts bring to the community?”
It turns out that the 2+ weeks of down time were what I actually needed – even if they weren’t what I wanted. Having that much down time gave me a chance to step back and think for a bit. And the questions I came up with while I was thinking scared me because I was seriously asking “What am I doing? Why?”
I was having a mild existential crisis.
I wasn’t sure what I was doing and I almost deleted my twitter account and stopped working entirely. I didn’t and I’m glad I didn’t. But I was close. Really close.
I Am Unfocused, But Now I Can Fix That
I’ve known that I have been unfocused for a long time now. This is why I shut down SignalLeaf – because I was stretched in too many directions. I had no time to do anything I wanted, and was constantly rushing around in a panic trying to keep things floating. SignalLeaf took a back seat when it should have been a top priority. WatchMeCode languished in the site design and features I wanted to add. My blogging and writing have been almost non-existent for a while.
When I shut down SignalLeaf and had those 2 weeks of down time in July, I realized how completely unfocused I was with everything else.
And now, I have the time to fix that. Now, I don’t have three separate businesses that I’m trying to run. I only have my consulting and my screencasting now. And my consulting feeds my screencasting, to a large degree. So really, I have a much more focused business already.
But I still don’t have the kind of focus I want.
Messaging and architecture aren’t new territories for me. I’ve got the RabbitMQ For Developers package which is all about messaging. But I’ve also got years of experience writing about architecture and messaging patterns for all kinds of applications, over at my old DerickBailey.LosTechies.com blog.
Join Me In My New Focus
This new direction will take a while to gain momentum. But I’m already moving. And I want you to join me in this new, better and more focused direction.